


If At First You Don't Succeed

by Everie



Series: Learning to Fly [1]
Category: Real Person Fiction
Genre: Comedy, Dating, Drama & Romance, Eventual Romance, F/M, Family Drama, Gen, Hook-Up, Multi, One Night Stands, Online Dating, Romantic Comedy
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-01-20
Updated: 2018-01-20
Packaged: 2019-02-18 17:48:16
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,602
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13105380
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Everie/pseuds/Everie
Summary: Lee is newly divorced, just barely turned thirty, and newly dumped. Still reeling from the effects of her break-up with her boyfriend, Tim, Lee finds herself signing up on the infamous Tinder app. Hilarity and miscommunication ensues as she navigates the sticky world of online dating and hooking up.





	If At First You Don't Succeed

**Author's Note:**

> Does art imitate life or life imitate art?

You would think going through a divorce would prepare you for small things like break ups with boyfriends. I mean, breaking up with someone shouldn't be as heart wrenching as a divorce, right? So, why am I wallowing in my despair after being dumped by someone I've only dated for the last six months? I'm literally laying in bed, staring up at my ceiling, with such a sense of dread. My side of the bed is covered in used tissue. I can feel my eyes growing puffy and the tears flowing down my face. I'm biting down on my lips to prevent anymore pathetic whimpers from escaping through them. I'm also trying to keep myself quiet as my eighteen month old quietly slumbers next to me. I envied my youngest and thought how lucky he was that he was too young at this time to know what going through a break-up was like. I sniffled back a few tears that were making their escape, trying to resolute myself into putting a stop with the pity party I was throwing myself right now.

 

It didn't matter how many tears I shed or how much my heart was aching right now. He was gone and he didn't want me back. He discarded me like I was nothing, even though his words were saying something else, his actions spoke louder than any of the bittersweet words that were spilling out of his mouth. I felt like such a fool to believe anything that man had to say to me. I resented him for allowing me to lessen my defenses and leave myself open to be hurt like this. I had regretted the six months that I spent with him and had told him so. He had the audacity to look hurt at my words and tell me that it was wrong to regret the time we had together. I held back on the words that I wanted to spit out like venom to him. The words would have been biting and would for sure elicit a negative reaction from him. I bit my tongue and just let the silence over take us. We sat a ways from each other on his bed. None of us knowing what to do next. 

 

I finally opened my mouth moments later and admitted to him that the failure of our relationship was because I had sabotaged it with my hurtful words and panic attack episodes. He admitted to himself and to me that with the combination of my issues and his own issues with committing to a relationship at this time; that we couldn't be there or support each other in times of emotional need; were the deciding factors to his decision to end the relationship. He told me loved me and that he would no matter what. I cried harder. He remained stoic, but I couldn't help the tears from coming. I cursed myself in ruining things. I wished that I was a more emotionally stable person. I wished that I was stronger. I sat at the edge of his bed as he wrapped his arms around my waist and hugged me from behind. He held me tight and I wished that he wasn't letting me go. I ran and stroked my fingers through his light brown and curly hair. Cherishing the moment cause I knew I would never be able to touch him like this again. We shared one last kiss. It tasted so bitter and regrettable. I took one last look as I walked away from him and his bed that I spent countless days in. His back turned to me as not to watch me go. I half smiled and walked out of his place with a heavy feeling in my heart.

 

Here I was now, scrolling through the social media feed of my Facebook. In my pajamas that I've worn a week straight and my hair looking like a rat's nest. All I could see were happy faces on that smart phone screen. My friends were celebrating engagements, marriages, and pregnancy announcements. Then there was me, a newly thirty, newly divorced, recently dumped, single mother of three. I had nothing to celebrate. I felt angry tears threatening to spill again and I wanted to scream. Wasn't happiness supposed to come within? That we shouldn't rely on another person to make us happy? So why were all these people so happy due to the other's presence in their life? Didn't I deserve that kind of happiness as well? Hadn't I sacrificed enough of my own happiness to warrant some kind of payback for it?

 

I laid there looking up at my ceiling and I'm sure minutes were stretching onto the hour. My mind was racing with a million tangent thoughts. What if I was destined to live out the rest of my years alone? I shivered at the thought of living the rest of my life without the love of another. My mind knew what I was thinking was irrational. I was more than capable of surviving without someone loving me, but it was something that I wanted. I thought I had a lot to offer someone in a romantic aspect. So what if I had some baggage. Doesn't everyone have something about them? Why do I need to water down my problems to seem more appealing to the opposite sex. My brow furrowed in frustration. I felt that I was reaching an epiphany of sorts.

 

So why do I need to be in a committed relationship with anyone? There was plenty of women out there working the dating game to their liking. Who said I needed to find that one guy? Maybe I can see multiple guys and have my fun too! I was done throwing my hat into the relationship ring. I wanted the fun and the excitement of meeting someone new and building a connection. Maybe it was time to try something for the short term rather for the long term? I didn't have anything else to lose anymore. I sat up in my bed and rummaged through my blanket for my iPhone. I pressed the pad of my thumb against the home button and the screen lit up and my home screen lit up my dark room. My eyes were blinded by the sudden change of brightness in the room and I found myself squinting to look at my screen. My thumbed swiped up and brought the control panel up. I hastily swiped down on the brightness panel to set my screen to an agreeable brightness.

 

I searched on my phone for the applications button and tapped it hastily. The app store appeared instantaneously, but I wasted no time and tapped on the search box. I hesitated for a moment. The dating app I was about to put in was infamously known. I could encounter some real douchebags on here, but there as also a chance I could meet someone that I could vibe with. My thumbs quickly tapped out "Tinder." It came out fast and I tapped on the ''Get" button to download it on to my phone. I had to only wait for a minute and the app was ready for me to use. 

 

Tapping on to the application button, the log in screen came up. I clicked on the sign up option and then proceeded to add my information in the applicable boxes. I took a quick once over to make sure my information was right. Once I found no mistakes I went forward on to the next steps. It took me to a page to set up my profile. It asked the generic questions of Gender, Location, Job, and Gender preference. I debated with myself of what I wanted to set it at. I had always been curious of other females and wondered if I could potentially seek for something with another woman. Could I take that plunge at this time? I mused over the thought and finally decided that I wasn't ready. I clicked on male and moved on to the next thing. It gave me the option of linking my instagram page. Did I want my life put out there for Tinder to see? There were photos I was not willing to share with just anyone. I decided I would come back to his at a later time.  

 

It was the one box I hated to fill out; the bio. I always had such a hard time describing myself. Now I had to make myself appealing to the opposite sex. What did I want the Tinder world to know about me. What information could I share. Should I write a short bio to make myself seem mysterious. Or do I type down a novel that would probably never get a proper go through. What kind of woman did I want to be? 

 

_Lee, 30_

_Occupation: Nurse_

 

_A nurse serving the community one patient at a time. Looking for someone to chill and geek out with. I'm a busy woman and my time is valuable. Don't be a flake. Don't slide into my DM's without matching. If we didn't match, it just wasn't meant to be. If we match send me a message. Did I mention I make a great wing woman?_

 

_Whiskey Drinker/Lover_

_Loves Dogs_

_Video Games_

_Reader_

_Loves Food_

_I Bake_

_Movies_

_Neflix_

_Outdoorsy_

 

I looked at what I had put down for myself and took a slow breath in and exhaled it even slower. This was it. This was something I was seriously going to do. What did I get myself into?


End file.
